my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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