no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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