I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
