im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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