No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
