that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You ate ashes out of my bong
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize