Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
