somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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