So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need water and some morals
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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