Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
