i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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