btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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