Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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