It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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