so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
