What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She's JV to your varsity
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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