She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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