Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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