I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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