O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
