thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
