she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
