My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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