we're chasing vodka with high fives
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
