I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
