good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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