When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
