you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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