You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
