As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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