Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize