Pregnant stripper...not hot.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
