If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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