Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
