i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
