Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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