I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
