Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
