some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize