I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
