Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
handjob tips. give me some.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
