dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
