Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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