Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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