I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
