If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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