I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
