pedialite and red bull = repair kit
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
