my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
