the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
