it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
