FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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