I CAN MOONWALK!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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