i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
