I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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