I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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