I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
