Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
