just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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