The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
