IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
