remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
