her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
