I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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